Lazy is what Lazy doesn't....

August 11, 2010


I've been writing this blog off and on again. I hit a certain point below my threshold for mediocrity, start writing, and start doing. When I reach a point of mediocrity that I’m more comfortable with I stop writing and I stop doing. It’s a cycle I’ve been caught in for…. Jeez, it’s embarrassing to say. I’ve been caught in this cycle for at least 15 years but more likely most of my life. I’m 40 years old now.

I started this blog to help me get out of this rut. (Thus the title of the blog, Duh!) I figured that if I made my struggle more public, I might be more motivated to take action. I mean, hell! Everybody is watching, right?! Well, it seems that living in a glass room doesn’t seem to be panning out like I hoped. I just draw the shades so nobody sees when I’m doing poorly.

So….

Leave it then to Life to give you a kick in the pants! Now, don’t think I’m advocating that one should wait for getting fired from a dead end job or a death in the family or somebody running over your pet or having your home foreclosed, leaving you homeless! It’s just sometimes, Life does that to you. Kick you in the pants.

My latest kick in the pants comes in the form of breaking up with my girlfriend. The details, though relevant to this passage, will remain private. I will, however, say that my “Rut” did have a partial roll to play in the break-up.

It’s hard to admit failures, especially in a public forum such as this. I do it anyway. I put it out there as a warning to anyone out there that might be following this that our actions AND our inactions have butterfly effects in our lives.

With that being said, I’m back to square one. Once again, I face my uphill battle with overwhelm and procrastination and just outright LAZINESS!!!!!!

Huh……. You know, the last time I called myself lazy in this blog was in my first entry. Then I promptly dismissed it calling it a fear of success or failure or some sort of bullshit. The real truth is: I AM LAZY!!!! Yah sure, I get overwhelmed easily. Yah sure, I have a perfectionist’s eye for detail making every little anthill look like Everest. When all is said and done; when, at the end of the day, I’m done with all the pseudo-psycho-babble, I’m just one thing. FUCKING LAZY.

Okay….. Now that’s out of my system.

Step one. Work on my ability to stay focused. In order to stay focused, I need the all the basics: physical health and stamina, and mental, emotional and spiritual health.

To achieve my physical health goals, I’m going to regularly get on the treadmill and throw in some cardio classes, and use common sense when eating. No more 11pm pizza and beer like I did last night, instead more fruits and veggies.

To achieve the mental, emotional and spiritual: meditation. I’m not sure yet how I’m going to incorporate this into my routine. I found a website online for someone in Jersey City who specializes in meditation. I could just go to yoga classes. I could just do it everyday myself. Close my eyes, sit comfortably, ease my breathing, and think of nothing. If I can’t just think of nothing, I could just think to myself; as I inhale, “In with the good,” and as I exhale “out with the bad.” I might seek out guidance in the beginning so I know what I’m doing is effective.

While all this is fine and dandy, I want to do something more tangible, so I’ve decided to go to NJCU and pick up info on getting my MA in counseling and find out about financial aid.

That’s what’s on the agenda for today. Thanks for reading. Talk to you soon.

Virg.