Another year come and gone. I'm still in this same rut. At least I started Graduate school. I started getting therapy. And I've become a practicing Buddhist. The chanting in the morning and evening helps me stay calmer and more focused, though at this early stage, I'm still incredibly prone to my impulses, evidenced by recent indiscretions and feelings of rage that got me in trouble in more ways than one. I'm coping with the very essence, the core of my problems now. Between the therapy and the chanting/meditation and soon the medication for ADD, 2011 really should be different for me.
I wish you all, all the love in the world and the strength to accept it.
Virg.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Monday, November 15, 2010
Monday, Monday.....
It's been busy in my life.
I've been dealing with a lot of stuff. Much of that stuff is internal. The truth is that I'm still mourning the loss of a relationship that I had hoped would last a lifetime. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm getting over it.
Denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance. Those are the stages. Of course they don't occur as a nice, neat sequence of events, but acceptance is always the last. Anger and depression seem to co-occur with me. It finally affected me at work. I was suspended for being rude to a customer.
Funny thing about the suspension; it was a good and bad thing. Bad, obviously because I let my personal life get in the way of performance at work. Good, because it showed me I had earned the respect of my manager who was instructed to fire me but instead defended me to his superior and I ended up with suspended instead. Good also because it shed some light on what I'm going through internally.
I'm in good spirits right now. I'm taking a break from some school work to write this. It's almost ironic though..... The path I altimately decided to take as far as careers go, especially with what I'm going through emotionally. The paper that I'm working on deals with forming a style of counseling I might employ when I get out there in the working world. (FYI, I'm getting my master's in counseling) Its all helping me through my grieving process. I'm a little closer now to acceptance, though it still hurts to look back at the good times. I'm trying to push forward.
I'm making really small changes in my life daily. When I look around my home and when I look around my life, I'm starting to see thing are looking up. I'll write more on the details later.
BTW..... Thanks from the bottom of my heart for reading this, any and all of my posts.
I've been dealing with a lot of stuff. Much of that stuff is internal. The truth is that I'm still mourning the loss of a relationship that I had hoped would last a lifetime. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm getting over it.
Denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance. Those are the stages. Of course they don't occur as a nice, neat sequence of events, but acceptance is always the last. Anger and depression seem to co-occur with me. It finally affected me at work. I was suspended for being rude to a customer.
Funny thing about the suspension; it was a good and bad thing. Bad, obviously because I let my personal life get in the way of performance at work. Good, because it showed me I had earned the respect of my manager who was instructed to fire me but instead defended me to his superior and I ended up with suspended instead. Good also because it shed some light on what I'm going through internally.
I'm in good spirits right now. I'm taking a break from some school work to write this. It's almost ironic though..... The path I altimately decided to take as far as careers go, especially with what I'm going through emotionally. The paper that I'm working on deals with forming a style of counseling I might employ when I get out there in the working world. (FYI, I'm getting my master's in counseling) Its all helping me through my grieving process. I'm a little closer now to acceptance, though it still hurts to look back at the good times. I'm trying to push forward.
I'm making really small changes in my life daily. When I look around my home and when I look around my life, I'm starting to see thing are looking up. I'll write more on the details later.
BTW..... Thanks from the bottom of my heart for reading this, any and all of my posts.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Makin' a little progress...
Just a little warning... I repeat a lot of the points I've made in past. I write them again because those issuses are still relevant and I need to deal with them.
So yeah. It's been a while, but that doesn't mean I've been inactive. As a matter of fact it's been quite the opposite. I've been busy for the most part with work and school and quasi-social activities, but the reason for my writing today was to give you a brief synopsis of what I've been covering in my sessions in counseling. I started "therapy" at my school which gives free counseling for anyone who is enrolled at the school!!! I found it to be a great opportunity, especially when, at the time I made the initial appointment I was going through a depressive episode! I mean hell! It's free and I could really use it. How often does life do you that good!!!! Oh, and don't worry, I'm not gonna spill out absolutely all my skeletons. I just want to share my break throughs!
The first and most foremost thing I have to deal with is my ADHD. Attention Deficit Hyper-activity Disorder. It's a mouthful. It's hard to swallow. But it's important that I deal with it. I've been self medicating with tons of coffee and 5 hour energy shots to boost my concentration. It helps at work a whole lot. My mood is better, and my attention to detail is greatly heightened, but the effects aren't as consistent as I'd like them to be. My next step would be to seek additional help with a psychiatrist who can help my ADHD with a little medication. I'm gonna see if Christ hospital can work out something on a sliding scale with me. According to my counselor, that should be a possibility over there.
The other thing I need to tackle is my bought with insomnia. I don't often get quality sleep. That may be the very reason I do get so lethargic so often. Hell! It could even explain my moodiness. So, for my sleep problems, I'll take melatonin an hour before I want to hit the hay. In addition to the melatonin, I will have to add exercise!!!
Exercise.... my love/hate relationship with exercise. Well, according to CBS news, all I need is 40 minutes, three times a week on a tread mill, to help with the sleep problems. So again, I'll start working out. I really have to change my attitude about getting out there to work out.
The last thing I'm working on is my lack of organizational skills. I've just started to use my Droid phone as a calender and for taking notes of relevant stuff. It's taking a bit of getting used to, but it not that hard.
So that's that in a nut shell. The last thing that I'd like to share is if you feel like you've been having problems lately, or you feel like you're not where you thought you might be or where you'd like to be, maybe it's time to get some help. Sometimes it just helps to throw this stuff at someone who is trained at dealing with this stuff! Obviously, results vary from person to person. My personal situation may be progressing a lot faster than others because I've been trying to self help for quite a while and kinda understand the process, but what I hope to communicate here is sometimes we all need a little help to get through a ruff patch. It's about time that I asked for help. Maybe now, with a little help I can get out of this rut!!!!!
So yeah. It's been a while, but that doesn't mean I've been inactive. As a matter of fact it's been quite the opposite. I've been busy for the most part with work and school and quasi-social activities, but the reason for my writing today was to give you a brief synopsis of what I've been covering in my sessions in counseling. I started "therapy" at my school which gives free counseling for anyone who is enrolled at the school!!! I found it to be a great opportunity, especially when, at the time I made the initial appointment I was going through a depressive episode! I mean hell! It's free and I could really use it. How often does life do you that good!!!! Oh, and don't worry, I'm not gonna spill out absolutely all my skeletons. I just want to share my break throughs!
The first and most foremost thing I have to deal with is my ADHD. Attention Deficit Hyper-activity Disorder. It's a mouthful. It's hard to swallow. But it's important that I deal with it. I've been self medicating with tons of coffee and 5 hour energy shots to boost my concentration. It helps at work a whole lot. My mood is better, and my attention to detail is greatly heightened, but the effects aren't as consistent as I'd like them to be. My next step would be to seek additional help with a psychiatrist who can help my ADHD with a little medication. I'm gonna see if Christ hospital can work out something on a sliding scale with me. According to my counselor, that should be a possibility over there.
The other thing I need to tackle is my bought with insomnia. I don't often get quality sleep. That may be the very reason I do get so lethargic so often. Hell! It could even explain my moodiness. So, for my sleep problems, I'll take melatonin an hour before I want to hit the hay. In addition to the melatonin, I will have to add exercise!!!
Exercise.... my love/hate relationship with exercise. Well, according to CBS news, all I need is 40 minutes, three times a week on a tread mill, to help with the sleep problems. So again, I'll start working out. I really have to change my attitude about getting out there to work out.
The last thing I'm working on is my lack of organizational skills. I've just started to use my Droid phone as a calender and for taking notes of relevant stuff. It's taking a bit of getting used to, but it not that hard.
So that's that in a nut shell. The last thing that I'd like to share is if you feel like you've been having problems lately, or you feel like you're not where you thought you might be or where you'd like to be, maybe it's time to get some help. Sometimes it just helps to throw this stuff at someone who is trained at dealing with this stuff! Obviously, results vary from person to person. My personal situation may be progressing a lot faster than others because I've been trying to self help for quite a while and kinda understand the process, but what I hope to communicate here is sometimes we all need a little help to get through a ruff patch. It's about time that I asked for help. Maybe now, with a little help I can get out of this rut!!!!!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Sometimes.... You just need to get some help.
As anyone who reads my entries can see, I've been trying to beat down the same wall for quite some time now. Occurrences in my recent past lit a fire under me to make changes, and though steps forward have been taken I still feel like the wheels are just spinning without taking me anywhere. Unfortunate incidences occur in my life, that most fully functioning individuals just plain avoid. So much so that it just can't be a coincidence. Please don't get me wrong here... It's not like I'm blaming a higher power for things going wrong in my life; in fact, it's the opposite. I know know now that there is something fundamentally wrong with me. but that's OK.
Let me take it back a couple of weeks ago to demonstrate my problem.
I was washing the dishes. Nothing unusual going through my head, or happening around me. I was just doing the dishes. Something pulled me away from the dishes. I don't know what is was. All I really remember was that I was at the computer. When I returned to do the dishes, I found the kitchen floor covered in water. Basically, I walked away from the sink without turning off the water. Fun.
If this kind of thing happens to someone rarely, no big deal. If this type of thing is a common occurrence, then you should probably seek some help. I didn't at that point and I should have, because not only did I beat myself up physically and berate myself, (repeatedly pounding my own head with my hands and repeatedly calling myself stupid) something more sinister reared it's head. I started to feel that maybe I'd be better off if I stopped existing.
I'm learning now in the classes I'm taking for counseling that the last symptom I describe pretty much spells out a depressed episode. With the circumstances as they were, I decided to reach out for help and sought out counseling for myself. I called up NJCU's counseling center, made an appointment, and went to my first session today.
Without going into too much detail about the session, one thing did stand out. I had mentioned in passing, earlier in the session, that I was diagnosed in my mid 20's with ADD, but stopped taking the prescribed meds because they were only effective for half an hour out of every 4 hour dose.
After reviewing all I had to say in that hour the one thing that stood out was the ADD. My next step is to get evaluated by a psychiatrist who specializes in ADD / ADHD and hopefully get meds appropriate for my condition.
I know there are a lot of people out there who have a knee jerk reaction to meds as a solution for a problem. There is a stigma attached to that. The truth is that, especially for this kind of problem, I too felt that throwing meds at a problem was a cop-out. Well, for me, it's been about 15 years since my diagnosis, and almost as long without medication. I've been in and out of jobs, and floundering about in life trying to tackle this thing myself using self help and self talk and now I've even made my struggle public in the hopes that it might spark change. I've made an advance or two, but the core of the problem still persists.
I need help... Those of you who know me know that it's hard for me to ask for help. I need help and now finally, I'm getting help.
Let me take it back a couple of weeks ago to demonstrate my problem.
I was washing the dishes. Nothing unusual going through my head, or happening around me. I was just doing the dishes. Something pulled me away from the dishes. I don't know what is was. All I really remember was that I was at the computer. When I returned to do the dishes, I found the kitchen floor covered in water. Basically, I walked away from the sink without turning off the water. Fun.
If this kind of thing happens to someone rarely, no big deal. If this type of thing is a common occurrence, then you should probably seek some help. I didn't at that point and I should have, because not only did I beat myself up physically and berate myself, (repeatedly pounding my own head with my hands and repeatedly calling myself stupid) something more sinister reared it's head. I started to feel that maybe I'd be better off if I stopped existing.
I'm learning now in the classes I'm taking for counseling that the last symptom I describe pretty much spells out a depressed episode. With the circumstances as they were, I decided to reach out for help and sought out counseling for myself. I called up NJCU's counseling center, made an appointment, and went to my first session today.
Without going into too much detail about the session, one thing did stand out. I had mentioned in passing, earlier in the session, that I was diagnosed in my mid 20's with ADD, but stopped taking the prescribed meds because they were only effective for half an hour out of every 4 hour dose.
After reviewing all I had to say in that hour the one thing that stood out was the ADD. My next step is to get evaluated by a psychiatrist who specializes in ADD / ADHD and hopefully get meds appropriate for my condition.
I know there are a lot of people out there who have a knee jerk reaction to meds as a solution for a problem. There is a stigma attached to that. The truth is that, especially for this kind of problem, I too felt that throwing meds at a problem was a cop-out. Well, for me, it's been about 15 years since my diagnosis, and almost as long without medication. I've been in and out of jobs, and floundering about in life trying to tackle this thing myself using self help and self talk and now I've even made my struggle public in the hopes that it might spark change. I've made an advance or two, but the core of the problem still persists.
I need help... Those of you who know me know that it's hard for me to ask for help. I need help and now finally, I'm getting help.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Getting adjusted....
I started a new job serving tables at Hamilton Inn in JC. It's a new place, only open for a few months. I like it. It's close to home. The people are nice. The money is okay.
I have an interview for a different job tomorrow. It working security for the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It's a far commute, but it has tuition reimbursement, which would be an obvious help to someone in school.
Wednesday I start classes at NJCU. My first day of graduate school. I feel like I did when I was a kid. I always liked school. I love learning, if not the homework. I like the social aspect of it all too. You know, being in a room of like minded individuals. It's nice.
All of this stuff going on kinda drains me though. I, more than ever, have to watch what I eat and exercise more. I've got to get my stamina up. What's the use of all this movement if I can't enjoy what little time I have left for myself 'cause I'm sleeping.
I'll give myself some time to adjust and work in some work out time. I'll have to be wiser with my food choices as well. If I order out, which I often do after work 'caus I just don't feel like cooking then cleaning after myself, I'll have to sacrifice the wings, and maybe get some stir fried veggies instead. I'm sure it'll all fall into place.
I have an interview for a different job tomorrow. It working security for the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It's a far commute, but it has tuition reimbursement, which would be an obvious help to someone in school.
Wednesday I start classes at NJCU. My first day of graduate school. I feel like I did when I was a kid. I always liked school. I love learning, if not the homework. I like the social aspect of it all too. You know, being in a room of like minded individuals. It's nice.
All of this stuff going on kinda drains me though. I, more than ever, have to watch what I eat and exercise more. I've got to get my stamina up. What's the use of all this movement if I can't enjoy what little time I have left for myself 'cause I'm sleeping.
I'll give myself some time to adjust and work in some work out time. I'll have to be wiser with my food choices as well. If I order out, which I often do after work 'caus I just don't feel like cooking then cleaning after myself, I'll have to sacrifice the wings, and maybe get some stir fried veggies instead. I'm sure it'll all fall into place.
Thursday, August 26, 2010
Remember my problem with dishes?....
There a change that took place. I can feel it. I guess the life changes I went through a couple of weeks ago served as a catalyst. I must admit that I'm sad that it took an outside catalyst for me initiate the changes I've been looking to make, but regardless of why I started to take action, the fact remains that I have to work to make the changes stick.
Some of the things that are helping the changes stick are my diet and addition of suppliments. Every morning I'm having a fruit and yogurt shake and a bunch of suppliments including a multi-vitamin and fish oil. I've add SAM-e and St. Johns Wort to help maintain a more positive outlook. (I'm no doctor so do some research and ask a doctor before trying this stuff.) The SAM-e is created in the body naturaly but cannot be replenished by food. Low levels of SAM-e supposedly reduces joint function as well as reduces the effectiveness of mental activity. St. John's Wort is taken to elevate mood.
I don't want anyone to think that it's just the vitamins. The real shift comes with the shift in my "self- talk." I'm just relating to myself in a new way. I'm gentler and kinder to myself. The alternative is no longer an option.
The bottom line here is that I'm watching what goes in and seeing better performance. There are no dishes in my sink!
Some of the things that are helping the changes stick are my diet and addition of suppliments. Every morning I'm having a fruit and yogurt shake and a bunch of suppliments including a multi-vitamin and fish oil. I've add SAM-e and St. Johns Wort to help maintain a more positive outlook. (I'm no doctor so do some research and ask a doctor before trying this stuff.) The SAM-e is created in the body naturaly but cannot be replenished by food. Low levels of SAM-e supposedly reduces joint function as well as reduces the effectiveness of mental activity. St. John's Wort is taken to elevate mood.
I don't want anyone to think that it's just the vitamins. The real shift comes with the shift in my "self- talk." I'm just relating to myself in a new way. I'm gentler and kinder to myself. The alternative is no longer an option.
The bottom line here is that I'm watching what goes in and seeing better performance. There are no dishes in my sink!
Monday, August 23, 2010
Monday...
Had a decent weekend for the most part. Best part of the weekend was finding out that I was hired as a server at a restaurant in Jersey City. The job is close to home and close to school. That's good. I'm only taking 2 classes this semester because I registered late. My transition to working student will be easier.
I'm still waiting on my interview coming up on the 31st. It's almost an ideal job for grad students at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. You know those guys who tell you, "Don't touch." and "No flash photography?" That could be me. Full benefits and tuition reimbursement. Keep your' fingers crossed for me.
I'm trying to keep moving forward. That's why I've been writing so much lately. Gotta beat down the melancholy and just "keep moving, don't stop, like the hands of time... " just like Soul II Soul said in the 90's ;-)
Anyways. The one thing I haven't been writing about the last couple of weeks is exercise. I just haven't been doin' it. I know it's the last thing I should skip if I want to beat down the funk, so today I get my as out of my favorite chair and do some cardio. Heck, I think I'll partake in some Filipino martial arts tonight as well!
That's the plan for today.
I'm still waiting on my interview coming up on the 31st. It's almost an ideal job for grad students at the Metropolitan Museum of Art. You know those guys who tell you, "Don't touch." and "No flash photography?" That could be me. Full benefits and tuition reimbursement. Keep your' fingers crossed for me.
I'm trying to keep moving forward. That's why I've been writing so much lately. Gotta beat down the melancholy and just "keep moving, don't stop, like the hands of time... " just like Soul II Soul said in the 90's ;-)
Anyways. The one thing I haven't been writing about the last couple of weeks is exercise. I just haven't been doin' it. I know it's the last thing I should skip if I want to beat down the funk, so today I get my as out of my favorite chair and do some cardio. Heck, I think I'll partake in some Filipino martial arts tonight as well!
That's the plan for today.
Friday, August 20, 2010
Sometimes I need to remember the "Backwards Golden Rule"
I have to watch out for how I interpret things.
Today I was cleaning in the kitchen, got distracted, left the water running, then there was a huge mess to clean up. I got quite upset with myself. I said to myself "How could I do something sooooo stupid?!" I said to myself, "I must be mentally retarded!" Scariest of all, I said to myself, "How could i go on if I keep doing things like this?!" Don't get me wrong here, I'm not suicidal. But if I keep talking to myself like this, I could end up suicidal.
Feeling like that is totally unnecessary. I'm disappoint in how I let my emotions run rampant and spiral me down into a depressive state like that. I had a drink, took a nap and wasted the day. There was no need to waste the day. There was no need to beat myself up like that. There was no need to interpret what happened as anything more than an absent minded accident that could have happened to anybody given the right conditions. It was an anthill and I turned it into Everest.
I chose in that moment to abuse myself instead of simply cleaning up the mess. I punished myself instead of showing myself a little understanding then telling myself to pay more attention to the details.
There was a movie I saw once where a Native American character was asked how he was so chill all the time even in the face of all sorts of adversity. He said, "I don't sweat the small stuff... and it's all small stuff." Another saying or in this case "prayer" I've heard over the years really can help keep things in perspective; "...accept the things I cannot change;: (have)Courage to change the things I can;: And wisdom to know the difference."
My point to writing all this is to help me remember to consciencly interpret stuff. I need to be more in charge of my "self talk" and treat myself with a lot more respect. The truth is, I would never talk to another person like that. Why shouldn't I give myself the same respect. I guess it's a sort of backwards "Golden Rule.": Do onto myself as I would do onto others. (Disclaimer: Backwards Golden Rule only works if you are naturally nice to other people. ;-)
Today I was cleaning in the kitchen, got distracted, left the water running, then there was a huge mess to clean up. I got quite upset with myself. I said to myself "How could I do something sooooo stupid?!" I said to myself, "I must be mentally retarded!" Scariest of all, I said to myself, "How could i go on if I keep doing things like this?!" Don't get me wrong here, I'm not suicidal. But if I keep talking to myself like this, I could end up suicidal.
Feeling like that is totally unnecessary. I'm disappoint in how I let my emotions run rampant and spiral me down into a depressive state like that. I had a drink, took a nap and wasted the day. There was no need to waste the day. There was no need to beat myself up like that. There was no need to interpret what happened as anything more than an absent minded accident that could have happened to anybody given the right conditions. It was an anthill and I turned it into Everest.
I chose in that moment to abuse myself instead of simply cleaning up the mess. I punished myself instead of showing myself a little understanding then telling myself to pay more attention to the details.
There was a movie I saw once where a Native American character was asked how he was so chill all the time even in the face of all sorts of adversity. He said, "I don't sweat the small stuff... and it's all small stuff." Another saying or in this case "prayer" I've heard over the years really can help keep things in perspective; "...accept the things I cannot change;: (have)Courage to change the things I can;: And wisdom to know the difference."
My point to writing all this is to help me remember to consciencly interpret stuff. I need to be more in charge of my "self talk" and treat myself with a lot more respect. The truth is, I would never talk to another person like that. Why shouldn't I give myself the same respect. I guess it's a sort of backwards "Golden Rule.": Do onto myself as I would do onto others. (Disclaimer: Backwards Golden Rule only works if you are naturally nice to other people. ;-)
It's hard to keep the momentum going.
I've had a couple of good days. I applied for and was accepted into NJCU's Masters program for counseling. On top of that I had a couple interviews; call backs from online submissions. I even made an appointment for a second interview for a Job at the Met in NYC, nothing fancy, but they have a tuition reimbursement program and health benefits!
On top of all that, just to make things a little sweeter, I'm finding out that just 'cause I broke up with my significant other last week, I didn't actually mean I had to loose my closest friend. We've hung out a couple of times as friends. We talk on the phone. We share our day and share what we're doing to improve our lives. In short. We still got each others back.
All that is well and good. Hurray for me! Now the trick is to keep up the pressure. Now that I can see that the world didn't come to an end, and there is light at the end of the tunnel (forgive all the cliches) I can't just take a seat in the tunnel and say "eh... the light is right there, I'll go to later."
I hate it now when I get content. When I'm content, I get lazy, then nothing gets done. Sometimes I swear that I must have lived on a island paradise in my last life, in wont of nothing!
I gotta keep goin'. I gotta keep movin'. I can't get sucked back into again.
On top of all that, just to make things a little sweeter, I'm finding out that just 'cause I broke up with my significant other last week, I didn't actually mean I had to loose my closest friend. We've hung out a couple of times as friends. We talk on the phone. We share our day and share what we're doing to improve our lives. In short. We still got each others back.
All that is well and good. Hurray for me! Now the trick is to keep up the pressure. Now that I can see that the world didn't come to an end, and there is light at the end of the tunnel (forgive all the cliches) I can't just take a seat in the tunnel and say "eh... the light is right there, I'll go to later."
I hate it now when I get content. When I'm content, I get lazy, then nothing gets done. Sometimes I swear that I must have lived on a island paradise in my last life, in wont of nothing!
I gotta keep goin'. I gotta keep movin'. I can't get sucked back into again.
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Mind Control...
I trying to control my mind. Every minute is like a little mini-battle. I'm trying to control myself from dwelling on the past. This is the hardest part. It's paralyzing. Every time I start thinking "I should've..." anything, I try to bring myself back to the present. It's a lot of work. So much work, in fact, that yesterday afternoon, I think (I'm no doctor) I suffered a really minor panic attack. I was just sitting around watching t.v. when my chest got tight and my breathing got real fast as did my heart beat. It went on like that for about 50-60 seconds when I decided to meditate right there. I closed my eyes, put my palms up, and fought to control my breathing and just tried to relax. After a couple of minutes I was fine. Don't worry. I'm good now.
I'm trying to control my mind. I'm trying to be more proactive. I'm trying to take action on the little projects that pop up in my head instead of just vegging out in front of my tv or computer. I don't win that battle very often but I'm doing much much better than before. I'm trying to control all the patterns I've developed over the decades, especially the pattern of "I'll just do it later."
It's one of the problems of living with ADD I guess. Everything gets a little attention. Not a lot of attention, a little. I notice one thing, start to work on it, then notice something else, then all I want to do is start a new project. I get overwhelmed all the time. It's easier to ignore everything.
What kills me is when I'm working I'm the exact opposite! I have a home for everything behind the bar and I make sure that everything goes back to it's home. I try to keep everything as spotless as possible. I try to anticipate what I might need for the day and prepare everything. I have a tendency to hyper-focus. I always amazed myself; how different I am at home and at work.
It just time to work for myself. That same dedication I give my employers I will now lavish upon the only boss that won't fire me if I have a bad incident.
I'm trying to control my mind. I'm trying to be more proactive. I'm trying to take action on the little projects that pop up in my head instead of just vegging out in front of my tv or computer. I don't win that battle very often but I'm doing much much better than before. I'm trying to control all the patterns I've developed over the decades, especially the pattern of "I'll just do it later."
It's one of the problems of living with ADD I guess. Everything gets a little attention. Not a lot of attention, a little. I notice one thing, start to work on it, then notice something else, then all I want to do is start a new project. I get overwhelmed all the time. It's easier to ignore everything.
What kills me is when I'm working I'm the exact opposite! I have a home for everything behind the bar and I make sure that everything goes back to it's home. I try to keep everything as spotless as possible. I try to anticipate what I might need for the day and prepare everything. I have a tendency to hyper-focus. I always amazed myself; how different I am at home and at work.
It just time to work for myself. That same dedication I give my employers I will now lavish upon the only boss that won't fire me if I have a bad incident.
Monday, August 16, 2010
Geek Alert! I made a reference to "The Matrix" but I think its relevant, read on...
It's funny... We as human beings are blessed with imagination; the ability to manifest all sorts of worlds, scenarios, outcomes and possibilities. Some religions and even branches of physics will tell you that these worlds in our minds might even be real. This gift, imagination, can be a curse.
The ability to manifest possible futures and the ability to relive an often distorted version of the past can simply obstruct what it is we're doing in the here and now. It keeps us from being present. It's almost as if the movie "The Matrix" were real and we live in our heads experiencing things programed in us to be real.
Imagine that we do have the ability to manufacture the future in our minds. Imagine that everyone has this ability. Never mind the details of what if two people imagine the same situation with different outcomes. The point is, if we had such abilities, wouldn't we be careful to envision the most positive scenarios for ourselves?! Wouldn't we try to quell any thought that might be negative, any thought at all negative for fear that it might actually come true?!?!?!
We need to... I need to control my mind. I need to be here. I need to be now. There is a time and place for reminiscing. There is a time and place to plan for an amazing future. When the planning is done. The present is for taking the steps toward my goals, and the present is for accepting the gifts the universe bestows upon me every second of every day (in other words, taking time to smell the roses, if I get pricked by a thorn, wonder in that too.)
The ability to manifest possible futures and the ability to relive an often distorted version of the past can simply obstruct what it is we're doing in the here and now. It keeps us from being present. It's almost as if the movie "The Matrix" were real and we live in our heads experiencing things programed in us to be real.
Imagine that we do have the ability to manufacture the future in our minds. Imagine that everyone has this ability. Never mind the details of what if two people imagine the same situation with different outcomes. The point is, if we had such abilities, wouldn't we be careful to envision the most positive scenarios for ourselves?! Wouldn't we try to quell any thought that might be negative, any thought at all negative for fear that it might actually come true?!?!?!
We need to... I need to control my mind. I need to be here. I need to be now. There is a time and place for reminiscing. There is a time and place to plan for an amazing future. When the planning is done. The present is for taking the steps toward my goals, and the present is for accepting the gifts the universe bestows upon me every second of every day (in other words, taking time to smell the roses, if I get pricked by a thorn, wonder in that too.)
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Weekend so far.
I went out Friday night.
I had dinner over a friend's house. This couple I have known for decades, two of my closest and dearest friends. We had a few drinks, there was great bbq, we played a tune or two on the guitar, we talked about old times and physics and they listened to me feeling a little sorry for myself, and offered words of encouragement. It was fun.
After dinner, I headed out to meet more friends who were out to see my brother make a rare appearance out with the guys. It was his birthday after all. I had a "a few" drinks in my brother's honor.
Saturday... Absolutely gorgeous day, wasted. I woke around noon with a headache, and never got out of the house. What a waste. At least I got a good night's sleep Saturday night. So now I'm up early Sunday morning so I could clean up around this house. The place looks like a tornado hit it.
I had dinner over a friend's house. This couple I have known for decades, two of my closest and dearest friends. We had a few drinks, there was great bbq, we played a tune or two on the guitar, we talked about old times and physics and they listened to me feeling a little sorry for myself, and offered words of encouragement. It was fun.
After dinner, I headed out to meet more friends who were out to see my brother make a rare appearance out with the guys. It was his birthday after all. I had a "a few" drinks in my brother's honor.
Saturday... Absolutely gorgeous day, wasted. I woke around noon with a headache, and never got out of the house. What a waste. At least I got a good night's sleep Saturday night. So now I'm up early Sunday morning so I could clean up around this house. The place looks like a tornado hit it.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Friday the 13th?! Eh. After this week, no biggie....
No big developments today, except maybe that it's my brothers 38th birthday. Our family, Leo (my brother), his girlfriend, my mom and I just went to Fun Buffet on Rt 440 like we always do on birthdays in our family. It's become our thing to go there. It's cheap, and it's a lot of food. I couldn't help but notice one person missing out of the picture of course. My "ex" would come out and join us too. Oh well... The reason I couldn't help but notice my ex wasn't there was because the way my brother and his girl kept carrying on. I mean, fine, I didn't bring her up in conversation, but Jeez, I just broke up with her! Tone it down a bit! I didn't say anything to them 'cause obviously, they weren't doing anything on purpose to spite me. I just thought it was a little insensitive. ( listen to me talk about being insensitive, "Mr. No Filter" over here.)
Anyway...
I just walked around Downtown JC and handed out my resume, after lunch. I gotta say... I hate doing this! Then again, I guess you gotta be some kind masochist to enjoy this process. I had one interview in a place in Hoboken where they held an open call for staff. He interviewed me fully but at the end he mentioned that he already had 4 guy bartenders; in other words he was looking for women. I swear to God, one of these days I'm gonna put on a padded bra, some lipstick, heels and a wig and go into one of these interview get all "Tootsie" on'em. Whatever.
Something nice did happen while I was interviewing. I called the place where I was just fired and spoke to the bartender. The bartender said that it was nuts what happened to me. In fact, the bartender said that just today a person came up to the bar and asked for two bottles of water and when the bartender told the customer, "$6.00 please," the customer said, "no thanks." and walked out of the restaurant!!!! How's that for irony. The bartender had some kind words for me too, saying that I was one of the backbones of the restaurant. Nice to hear.
Well.... on that note, I'm goin' over to a friends place and have a drink or 8 or 10. Hope all is well with you.
Virgil.
Anyway...
I just walked around Downtown JC and handed out my resume, after lunch. I gotta say... I hate doing this! Then again, I guess you gotta be some kind masochist to enjoy this process. I had one interview in a place in Hoboken where they held an open call for staff. He interviewed me fully but at the end he mentioned that he already had 4 guy bartenders; in other words he was looking for women. I swear to God, one of these days I'm gonna put on a padded bra, some lipstick, heels and a wig and go into one of these interview get all "Tootsie" on'em. Whatever.
Something nice did happen while I was interviewing. I called the place where I was just fired and spoke to the bartender. The bartender said that it was nuts what happened to me. In fact, the bartender said that just today a person came up to the bar and asked for two bottles of water and when the bartender told the customer, "$6.00 please," the customer said, "no thanks." and walked out of the restaurant!!!! How's that for irony. The bartender had some kind words for me too, saying that I was one of the backbones of the restaurant. Nice to hear.
Well.... on that note, I'm goin' over to a friends place and have a drink or 8 or 10. Hope all is well with you.
Virgil.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
They say, "Things happen for a reason."
There are times in our lives that just make you think to yourself… “WTF!!!!” One second you’ve got a happy if not perfect life, the next second, you wonder how things could change so drastically and so quickly.
Just the other day I wrote that I broke up with my girlfriend. It was a mutual decision we made so we could individually take on our short comings. Healthy enough decision, I guess.
At least things didn’t look so bad with my job. I had the respect of the general manager where I was bartending. He even recommended me for a transfer to the new location they are opening in midtown! The lunch crowd over there would have been incredible. I could have kept my day shifts and made lots of money. It turns out, that would not be the case.
One of the executive chefs for the company always had it in for me for some reason. He’d always take a verbal swipe at me the minute I was less than perfect. I don’t really know what his problem was with me. Well, it turns out that I took a phoned in pick up order from a “friend” of his that didn’t go well. He got what he ordered, but it was said that I was “unpleasant”. (Just for the record, I’m known for being professional and extremely pleasant and energetic on the phone) The real problem, however, was that he wanted a can of Coke. I don’t know why I do this, but because a can of Coke cost $2.50, I suggest to guests sometimes that they should get the soda elsewhere so the can save a little money. I usually get a “Thank You” for that gesture and repeat customers. Not in this case. Instead, it get reported to Chef @#$$$#%$%^. The end result is that I got fired for an overblown sense of customer service. It just goes to show that in many instances, you’re only as good as your last performance.
At this point…. I don’t know. I really don’t know.
Well… One way I can look at this is; I’m not in that rut anymore. I wanted change. I got it. I wanted change in my relationship. I got it. I wanted change in my financial situation and in my career path. I got it. Now, what do I do with it?
The thing is, when you hear about these great success stories, they all come out of some sort of adversity. You know. Like how that guy Crammer on “Mad Money” at one point was homeless and slept in his car or I think Jewel the Pop/Country singer had the same situation or Madonna had her problems or Oprah had her bouts with adversity too.
This just might be the way that the cosmos or God or fate gets a person to be all they can be and not just settle for the minimum.
Yesterday, before I found out about my current work status, I picked up an application for Graduates admission to NJCU. It turns out that I may not be too late to apply for this fall semester.
They say, "Things happen for a reason." The truth is. Things happen. We have to give it a reason.
Just the other day I wrote that I broke up with my girlfriend. It was a mutual decision we made so we could individually take on our short comings. Healthy enough decision, I guess.
At least things didn’t look so bad with my job. I had the respect of the general manager where I was bartending. He even recommended me for a transfer to the new location they are opening in midtown! The lunch crowd over there would have been incredible. I could have kept my day shifts and made lots of money. It turns out, that would not be the case.
One of the executive chefs for the company always had it in for me for some reason. He’d always take a verbal swipe at me the minute I was less than perfect. I don’t really know what his problem was with me. Well, it turns out that I took a phoned in pick up order from a “friend” of his that didn’t go well. He got what he ordered, but it was said that I was “unpleasant”. (Just for the record, I’m known for being professional and extremely pleasant and energetic on the phone) The real problem, however, was that he wanted a can of Coke. I don’t know why I do this, but because a can of Coke cost $2.50, I suggest to guests sometimes that they should get the soda elsewhere so the can save a little money. I usually get a “Thank You” for that gesture and repeat customers. Not in this case. Instead, it get reported to Chef @#$$$#%$%^. The end result is that I got fired for an overblown sense of customer service. It just goes to show that in many instances, you’re only as good as your last performance.
At this point…. I don’t know. I really don’t know.
Well… One way I can look at this is; I’m not in that rut anymore. I wanted change. I got it. I wanted change in my relationship. I got it. I wanted change in my financial situation and in my career path. I got it. Now, what do I do with it?
The thing is, when you hear about these great success stories, they all come out of some sort of adversity. You know. Like how that guy Crammer on “Mad Money” at one point was homeless and slept in his car or I think Jewel the Pop/Country singer had the same situation or Madonna had her problems or Oprah had her bouts with adversity too.
This just might be the way that the cosmos or God or fate gets a person to be all they can be and not just settle for the minimum.
Yesterday, before I found out about my current work status, I picked up an application for Graduates admission to NJCU. It turns out that I may not be too late to apply for this fall semester.
They say, "Things happen for a reason." The truth is. Things happen. We have to give it a reason.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Lazy is what Lazy doesn't....
August 11, 2010
I've been writing this blog off and on again. I hit a certain point below my threshold for mediocrity, start writing, and start doing. When I reach a point of mediocrity that I’m more comfortable with I stop writing and I stop doing. It’s a cycle I’ve been caught in for…. Jeez, it’s embarrassing to say. I’ve been caught in this cycle for at least 15 years but more likely most of my life. I’m 40 years old now.
I started this blog to help me get out of this rut. (Thus the title of the blog, Duh!) I figured that if I made my struggle more public, I might be more motivated to take action. I mean, hell! Everybody is watching, right?! Well, it seems that living in a glass room doesn’t seem to be panning out like I hoped. I just draw the shades so nobody sees when I’m doing poorly.
So….
Leave it then to Life to give you a kick in the pants! Now, don’t think I’m advocating that one should wait for getting fired from a dead end job or a death in the family or somebody running over your pet or having your home foreclosed, leaving you homeless! It’s just sometimes, Life does that to you. Kick you in the pants.
My latest kick in the pants comes in the form of breaking up with my girlfriend. The details, though relevant to this passage, will remain private. I will, however, say that my “Rut” did have a partial roll to play in the break-up.
It’s hard to admit failures, especially in a public forum such as this. I do it anyway. I put it out there as a warning to anyone out there that might be following this that our actions AND our inactions have butterfly effects in our lives.
With that being said, I’m back to square one. Once again, I face my uphill battle with overwhelm and procrastination and just outright LAZINESS!!!!!!
Huh……. You know, the last time I called myself lazy in this blog was in my first entry. Then I promptly dismissed it calling it a fear of success or failure or some sort of bullshit. The real truth is: I AM LAZY!!!! Yah sure, I get overwhelmed easily. Yah sure, I have a perfectionist’s eye for detail making every little anthill look like Everest. When all is said and done; when, at the end of the day, I’m done with all the pseudo-psycho-babble, I’m just one thing. FUCKING LAZY.
Okay….. Now that’s out of my system.
Step one. Work on my ability to stay focused. In order to stay focused, I need the all the basics: physical health and stamina, and mental, emotional and spiritual health.
To achieve my physical health goals, I’m going to regularly get on the treadmill and throw in some cardio classes, and use common sense when eating. No more 11pm pizza and beer like I did last night, instead more fruits and veggies.
To achieve the mental, emotional and spiritual: meditation. I’m not sure yet how I’m going to incorporate this into my routine. I found a website online for someone in Jersey City who specializes in meditation. I could just go to yoga classes. I could just do it everyday myself. Close my eyes, sit comfortably, ease my breathing, and think of nothing. If I can’t just think of nothing, I could just think to myself; as I inhale, “In with the good,” and as I exhale “out with the bad.” I might seek out guidance in the beginning so I know what I’m doing is effective.
While all this is fine and dandy, I want to do something more tangible, so I’ve decided to go to NJCU and pick up info on getting my MA in counseling and find out about financial aid.
That’s what’s on the agenda for today. Thanks for reading. Talk to you soon.
Virg.
I've been writing this blog off and on again. I hit a certain point below my threshold for mediocrity, start writing, and start doing. When I reach a point of mediocrity that I’m more comfortable with I stop writing and I stop doing. It’s a cycle I’ve been caught in for…. Jeez, it’s embarrassing to say. I’ve been caught in this cycle for at least 15 years but more likely most of my life. I’m 40 years old now.
I started this blog to help me get out of this rut. (Thus the title of the blog, Duh!) I figured that if I made my struggle more public, I might be more motivated to take action. I mean, hell! Everybody is watching, right?! Well, it seems that living in a glass room doesn’t seem to be panning out like I hoped. I just draw the shades so nobody sees when I’m doing poorly.
So….
Leave it then to Life to give you a kick in the pants! Now, don’t think I’m advocating that one should wait for getting fired from a dead end job or a death in the family or somebody running over your pet or having your home foreclosed, leaving you homeless! It’s just sometimes, Life does that to you. Kick you in the pants.
My latest kick in the pants comes in the form of breaking up with my girlfriend. The details, though relevant to this passage, will remain private. I will, however, say that my “Rut” did have a partial roll to play in the break-up.
It’s hard to admit failures, especially in a public forum such as this. I do it anyway. I put it out there as a warning to anyone out there that might be following this that our actions AND our inactions have butterfly effects in our lives.
With that being said, I’m back to square one. Once again, I face my uphill battle with overwhelm and procrastination and just outright LAZINESS!!!!!!
Huh……. You know, the last time I called myself lazy in this blog was in my first entry. Then I promptly dismissed it calling it a fear of success or failure or some sort of bullshit. The real truth is: I AM LAZY!!!! Yah sure, I get overwhelmed easily. Yah sure, I have a perfectionist’s eye for detail making every little anthill look like Everest. When all is said and done; when, at the end of the day, I’m done with all the pseudo-psycho-babble, I’m just one thing. FUCKING LAZY.
Okay….. Now that’s out of my system.
Step one. Work on my ability to stay focused. In order to stay focused, I need the all the basics: physical health and stamina, and mental, emotional and spiritual health.
To achieve my physical health goals, I’m going to regularly get on the treadmill and throw in some cardio classes, and use common sense when eating. No more 11pm pizza and beer like I did last night, instead more fruits and veggies.
To achieve the mental, emotional and spiritual: meditation. I’m not sure yet how I’m going to incorporate this into my routine. I found a website online for someone in Jersey City who specializes in meditation. I could just go to yoga classes. I could just do it everyday myself. Close my eyes, sit comfortably, ease my breathing, and think of nothing. If I can’t just think of nothing, I could just think to myself; as I inhale, “In with the good,” and as I exhale “out with the bad.” I might seek out guidance in the beginning so I know what I’m doing is effective.
While all this is fine and dandy, I want to do something more tangible, so I’ve decided to go to NJCU and pick up info on getting my MA in counseling and find out about financial aid.
That’s what’s on the agenda for today. Thanks for reading. Talk to you soon.
Virg.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
What a painful (literally) ordeal! (TMI Alert)
OK.... I'm writing this more so I can understand what just happened to me than anything else.
On Sunday I decide to change up my diet and add loads more veggies to my diet. I figure the timing is great because I'm starting to see a decline in stool production, so to speak. I'm hoping the additional fiber will help. Monday goes by still heavy on the veggies going with stuff like chef's salad.
On Tuesday I had a little day trip to 6 Point Brewery in Brooklyn. Fun. I got to "sample" a few of their beers, including some of their high alcohol beers. Afterwards, with a bit of a buzz going, I checkout IKEA Brooklyn which was hardly a block away. I had lunch there. In keeping with my change of diet, I grab some grav lax and a salad instead of opting for my IKEA usual, which is of course the meatballs. I do some shopping. (not much totalling $14) I take the ferry back to Manhattan then the Path home.
Once I get home, I start feeling a bit queasy. Not surprising since I did have a bit to drink earlier and maybe the Salmon at IKEA wasn't the freshest. Something I did notice was the lack of the need to defecate. So I start to self medicate and try some of that fiber in a glass of water stuff. I think this is where I trip my self up.
Wednesday. Still no results in the restroom. No biggy. It's happened before, but things always work out. I make my self a salad with spinach, onions avocado with lime juice and EVOO. And to help things out down there another glass of that fiber stuff.
This is pretty much when my world of hurt starts. That last glass, I shouldn't have had even the salad was a bad idea.
I think what happened to me is I was sealed off on both ends at this point. The fiber liquid was so thick that the gas produced from digesting raw veggies had literally no where to go. 3 hrs after the ordeal started I had the good sense to call out of work the next day. And thank God I did because I couldn't sleep until 4 in the morning. And the sleep didn't come until I had evacuated orally no less than 3 times. the last 2 times were nothing more than water and huge belches of air.
The pain in my gut I went through simply shifting in bed was agonizing! I live just 3 blocks from a hospital but I didn't want to chance walking over there, and I didn't want to call an ambulance either.
After the second time I threw up I felt some relief. But as you might imagine, I was dehydrated from the whole thing. So I took small sips of water. Everything seemed to be OK for a bit so I finished a glass. OMG. Another mistake leading to another 2 hours of pain and discomfort, till finally it all came out again.
This time, as thirsty as I was, I figured it be best to wait it out till the morning.
I woke up around 10 am. I shifted from the position I was in, and ouch! still there. 11 rolls by and I seem to be in the clear. I get up. Do some Internet surfing and some texting. I seem OK. No hunger and no need to go to the bathroom still. Yet there is one sign of hope. I fart around 12!!! HOORAY FART.!!!
It's at this point where I decide that heading out of the house for a laxative is safe. I do some errands. which included having a meal which caused no pain. (naked chicken burrito) Well, no pain yet.
So, what did I learn. I'm gonna cook my veggies. Maybe that'll help with the digestion, and for God's sake, I'll take the fiber with alot more water and a lot less often.
That's were I am. I felt a bit weak when I was out there today. I don't think I'll be working out today.
On Sunday I decide to change up my diet and add loads more veggies to my diet. I figure the timing is great because I'm starting to see a decline in stool production, so to speak. I'm hoping the additional fiber will help. Monday goes by still heavy on the veggies going with stuff like chef's salad.
On Tuesday I had a little day trip to 6 Point Brewery in Brooklyn. Fun. I got to "sample" a few of their beers, including some of their high alcohol beers. Afterwards, with a bit of a buzz going, I checkout IKEA Brooklyn which was hardly a block away. I had lunch there. In keeping with my change of diet, I grab some grav lax and a salad instead of opting for my IKEA usual, which is of course the meatballs. I do some shopping. (not much totalling $14) I take the ferry back to Manhattan then the Path home.
Once I get home, I start feeling a bit queasy. Not surprising since I did have a bit to drink earlier and maybe the Salmon at IKEA wasn't the freshest. Something I did notice was the lack of the need to defecate. So I start to self medicate and try some of that fiber in a glass of water stuff. I think this is where I trip my self up.
Wednesday. Still no results in the restroom. No biggy. It's happened before, but things always work out. I make my self a salad with spinach, onions avocado with lime juice and EVOO. And to help things out down there another glass of that fiber stuff.
This is pretty much when my world of hurt starts. That last glass, I shouldn't have had even the salad was a bad idea.
I think what happened to me is I was sealed off on both ends at this point. The fiber liquid was so thick that the gas produced from digesting raw veggies had literally no where to go. 3 hrs after the ordeal started I had the good sense to call out of work the next day. And thank God I did because I couldn't sleep until 4 in the morning. And the sleep didn't come until I had evacuated orally no less than 3 times. the last 2 times were nothing more than water and huge belches of air.
The pain in my gut I went through simply shifting in bed was agonizing! I live just 3 blocks from a hospital but I didn't want to chance walking over there, and I didn't want to call an ambulance either.
After the second time I threw up I felt some relief. But as you might imagine, I was dehydrated from the whole thing. So I took small sips of water. Everything seemed to be OK for a bit so I finished a glass. OMG. Another mistake leading to another 2 hours of pain and discomfort, till finally it all came out again.
This time, as thirsty as I was, I figured it be best to wait it out till the morning.
I woke up around 10 am. I shifted from the position I was in, and ouch! still there. 11 rolls by and I seem to be in the clear. I get up. Do some Internet surfing and some texting. I seem OK. No hunger and no need to go to the bathroom still. Yet there is one sign of hope. I fart around 12!!! HOORAY FART.!!!
It's at this point where I decide that heading out of the house for a laxative is safe. I do some errands. which included having a meal which caused no pain. (naked chicken burrito) Well, no pain yet.
So, what did I learn. I'm gonna cook my veggies. Maybe that'll help with the digestion, and for God's sake, I'll take the fiber with alot more water and a lot less often.
That's were I am. I felt a bit weak when I was out there today. I don't think I'll be working out today.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Not so little, Never too late.
Not much today. I what I was able to do is be deliberate about what I ate. The truth is that I really didn't have much opportunity to eat, but when I did, I kept my goals in mind. At "breakfast", which pretty much amounted to one hot dog, I tossed the bun. (Yeah, I know. Really not much of a breakfast at all, thus the quotes) I eliminated the simple carbs. Dinner was a chef's salad. More veggies, limited sugar and simple carbs.
I know those of you who know better, those of you who graze, eat five small meals a day, and well balance meals at that might be thinking I'm being sophomoric about my diet but give me a break. I haven't yet gotten into the habbit of preparing all five meals a day a week in advance! I wanted to start today. That's what I was able to do for myself today. Just like Bob. Baby Steps!
Another "baby step" I took over the weekend was switching from beer, to vodka and diet coke. Yeah, yeah, yeah.... Laugh it up. Look at me, the picture of health. But I'll tell you this. I actually felt better the next day and besides..... I've never heard of anyone with a "vodka belly"
Lastly.... When I got home this evening, I was a bit tired and found it hard to motivate. I thought to myself that I could hit the gym later, and being it was still light out, I thought I'd have time to grab a salad, let it digest, then head out. Such a moron. It must've been 8pm when I ordered, the salad got to me around 8:40. Got done with the salad and some TV around 9:30. Then it would take a half hour to get to the gym, which closes at 10pm. Frak!
I could've just said, there's always tomorrow. Instead I got my ass out of my favorite chair and took the dog out for a "run" around a dirt track in a nearby park. I did a quarter mile lap, before I took my first walk break, then I decided to try something different for me. I ran briskly for 200 meters then walked 200 meters and repeated that about 4 times then walked around a last 400 meters. I called it quits after that 'cause the dog looked tired.
One thing I would have like to do today was some light free weights but not bad for today.
Tomorrow is gonna prove challenging. I've got a little work field trip planned to the 6 Points Brewery in Brooklyn. Yes, beer. I'm gonna be doin' a lot of "tasting" tomorrow. So the plan is for me to get up mad early and hit the gym, then get home, shower and be off to meet my co-workers and head of to our little excursion. I gotta be honest. I don't think..... well... maybe. We'll see. I might even surprise myself. I'll set the alarm and see what happens.
Nighty night all.
I know those of you who know better, those of you who graze, eat five small meals a day, and well balance meals at that might be thinking I'm being sophomoric about my diet but give me a break. I haven't yet gotten into the habbit of preparing all five meals a day a week in advance! I wanted to start today. That's what I was able to do for myself today. Just like Bob. Baby Steps!
Another "baby step" I took over the weekend was switching from beer, to vodka and diet coke. Yeah, yeah, yeah.... Laugh it up. Look at me, the picture of health. But I'll tell you this. I actually felt better the next day and besides..... I've never heard of anyone with a "vodka belly"
Lastly.... When I got home this evening, I was a bit tired and found it hard to motivate. I thought to myself that I could hit the gym later, and being it was still light out, I thought I'd have time to grab a salad, let it digest, then head out. Such a moron. It must've been 8pm when I ordered, the salad got to me around 8:40. Got done with the salad and some TV around 9:30. Then it would take a half hour to get to the gym, which closes at 10pm. Frak!
I could've just said, there's always tomorrow. Instead I got my ass out of my favorite chair and took the dog out for a "run" around a dirt track in a nearby park. I did a quarter mile lap, before I took my first walk break, then I decided to try something different for me. I ran briskly for 200 meters then walked 200 meters and repeated that about 4 times then walked around a last 400 meters. I called it quits after that 'cause the dog looked tired.
One thing I would have like to do today was some light free weights but not bad for today.
Tomorrow is gonna prove challenging. I've got a little work field trip planned to the 6 Points Brewery in Brooklyn. Yes, beer. I'm gonna be doin' a lot of "tasting" tomorrow. So the plan is for me to get up mad early and hit the gym, then get home, shower and be off to meet my co-workers and head of to our little excursion. I gotta be honest. I don't think..... well... maybe. We'll see. I might even surprise myself. I'll set the alarm and see what happens.
Nighty night all.
Friday, July 9, 2010
It's times like these that trip me up.
I've been blessed with an incredible amount of time for me to do whatever the hell I want. But jeez! it feels like a curse. I'm writing again so soon because I want to keep my head on strait. The weather is perfect out side and it's driving me nuts. I just wanna get a drink and act stupid! God knows that everything has it's place, including acting stupid! Hell! It's fun!!!! But that's exactly where I get into trouble. I DON'T GUIDE MY ENERGY!!!!
I've got dishes and laundry and house work.... huh. Well no wonder "stupid" wins out.
Beyond that, I could study for this exam that I have to take at the end of the month. That would be more productive and a step towards a better life. Otherwise, I could pick up a pen and my guitar and actually write something, for God sake. Or maybe this is just the time to meditate! Get some practice in "holding my horses"
Man...
I'm glad I stopped to write this. As fun as "stupid" has been my entire adult life. It's time to reel it in and go with "not-so-stupid".
I've got dishes and laundry and house work.... huh. Well no wonder "stupid" wins out.
Beyond that, I could study for this exam that I have to take at the end of the month. That would be more productive and a step towards a better life. Otherwise, I could pick up a pen and my guitar and actually write something, for God sake. Or maybe this is just the time to meditate! Get some practice in "holding my horses"
Man...
I'm glad I stopped to write this. As fun as "stupid" has been my entire adult life. It's time to reel it in and go with "not-so-stupid".
Step One... Again. The follow up
OK
Half an hour on the tread mill. 5 minutes 14.5 incline, speed - 3.5, 8 minutes 14.5 incline, speed 4.2, 5 minutes incline 6.0 speed 5.3, 8 minutes 0 incline speed betwn 5.5-6, the rest cool down.,
I did 3 sets of flat bench at 135, 12, 10 then 6 reps. ( I'll try 3 sets of ten next time.)
3 sets of lat pull downs @ 115. I think I did 12, 10 and 10.
Then I did 3 sets of seated leg presses @ 215 (shoulda pushed more) 15, 15, 15.
I kept the free weights nice and simple for fear of injury. Besides, after the cardio, it seemed like enough. I started feeling a little dizzy about 10 minutes after I left the gym but it didn't last long and now as I'm writing this I'm feeling the endorphines kick in. Ahhhhhh.
Anyways... who knows how long I can keep this all up with the work out and the writing? One day at a time. Right?!
Half an hour on the tread mill. 5 minutes 14.5 incline, speed - 3.5, 8 minutes 14.5 incline, speed 4.2, 5 minutes incline 6.0 speed 5.3, 8 minutes 0 incline speed betwn 5.5-6, the rest cool down.,
I did 3 sets of flat bench at 135, 12, 10 then 6 reps. ( I'll try 3 sets of ten next time.)
3 sets of lat pull downs @ 115. I think I did 12, 10 and 10.
Then I did 3 sets of seated leg presses @ 215 (shoulda pushed more) 15, 15, 15.
I kept the free weights nice and simple for fear of injury. Besides, after the cardio, it seemed like enough. I started feeling a little dizzy about 10 minutes after I left the gym but it didn't last long and now as I'm writing this I'm feeling the endorphines kick in. Ahhhhhh.
Anyways... who knows how long I can keep this all up with the work out and the writing? One day at a time. Right?!
Step One.... Again.
July 9, 2010 11:32 AM
Once again I fell into a rut of simply surviving. Doing the absolute minimum I need to get buy. It’s a freakin’ curse to be able to just get by without effort.
So, again, I start the climb back up out this freakin rut. The key has always been a physical one for me.
Step one: Simple enough. Get to Bally’s right now and do a half hour of cardio. (I got a great playlist on my IPod that’s perfect for working out.) After that I’m gonna do some free weights. Not much at first. I’ll stick with movements that use large muscle groups. Some bench presses, some lat pull downs, and some seated leg presses, all low weights of course. I’m thinkin’ that the cardio, I’ll do 5 days a week and the free weights, I’ll do 3 times a week for a bit, till I see my strength and stamina improving. Oh!! Almost forgot. I’ve really got to stretch. I’ve been feeling my age in my range of motion.
I had tried this workout dvd called “Insanity.” Can I tell ya? The sh!t was INSANE!!! There’s no way in my current condition that I could get through the 60 days without hurting myself; thus the “step one” above.
The other thing that I’m gonna incorporate into my routine is meditation. Why? Glad you asked.
I’ve always been a bit, rather a lot ADD (yes Attention Deficit Disorder, big surprise, huh.) The lack of concentration has always gotten me into trouble. It’s always been the root of my lack of discipline. My step one then is to meditate for short periods of time. I’ll start with 10 or 15 minutes a day, and work my way up. It’ll also help me get in touch my spiritual side which I’ve been severely neglecting.
One last thing is left. I’ve got to start eating better. I’ve always known how what I put into my body completely influences my ADD and my mood. This means less refined carbohydrates and lots more veggies. For now, I’m not messin’ with my fat/protein intake. I’m also gonna start taking my supplements again, just a multivitamin and SAM-e. The SAM-e seems to really help with my emotional well-being. I stopped taking it about 2 weeks ago when I ran out of the stuff. It might be a placebo effect or it might be legitimately helping my mood. Either way it’s helping me.
That’s enough talk. Time for action.
Once again I fell into a rut of simply surviving. Doing the absolute minimum I need to get buy. It’s a freakin’ curse to be able to just get by without effort.
So, again, I start the climb back up out this freakin rut. The key has always been a physical one for me.
Step one: Simple enough. Get to Bally’s right now and do a half hour of cardio. (I got a great playlist on my IPod that’s perfect for working out.) After that I’m gonna do some free weights. Not much at first. I’ll stick with movements that use large muscle groups. Some bench presses, some lat pull downs, and some seated leg presses, all low weights of course. I’m thinkin’ that the cardio, I’ll do 5 days a week and the free weights, I’ll do 3 times a week for a bit, till I see my strength and stamina improving. Oh!! Almost forgot. I’ve really got to stretch. I’ve been feeling my age in my range of motion.
I had tried this workout dvd called “Insanity.” Can I tell ya? The sh!t was INSANE!!! There’s no way in my current condition that I could get through the 60 days without hurting myself; thus the “step one” above.
The other thing that I’m gonna incorporate into my routine is meditation. Why? Glad you asked.
I’ve always been a bit, rather a lot ADD (yes Attention Deficit Disorder, big surprise, huh.) The lack of concentration has always gotten me into trouble. It’s always been the root of my lack of discipline. My step one then is to meditate for short periods of time. I’ll start with 10 or 15 minutes a day, and work my way up. It’ll also help me get in touch my spiritual side which I’ve been severely neglecting.
One last thing is left. I’ve got to start eating better. I’ve always known how what I put into my body completely influences my ADD and my mood. This means less refined carbohydrates and lots more veggies. For now, I’m not messin’ with my fat/protein intake. I’m also gonna start taking my supplements again, just a multivitamin and SAM-e. The SAM-e seems to really help with my emotional well-being. I stopped taking it about 2 weeks ago when I ran out of the stuff. It might be a placebo effect or it might be legitimately helping my mood. Either way it’s helping me.
That’s enough talk. Time for action.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
So I fell in again!!! So what!?
I fell in again. I stopped writing, working out and just have been finding it hard to get out of bed. I even quit my Real Estate office, and am looking for a new office. Ugh.
Don't get me wrong. At least I did accomplish some minor things while I got sidetracked.
I've landscaped my totally unruly yard and turned it into my own tropical oasis getaway. And I threw a killer bbq for my SO (significant other).
My personal goals kinda just fell to the side when my basement got flooded about 6-8 weeks ago, then found out that I didn't have flood insurance to cover it. I got depressed a bit.
I started at demolishing the basement,ripping out sheet rock and rotted out frame work, before the news of my lack of coverage. After the news I kinda just went into denial. I started working on the yard instead.
It was more fun. I could see the progress. Mostly, It was that I could throw a big party for my SO.
We all know how giving something can make a person feel better. Boy did this make me feel better! Everyone had a great time and I got lots of compliments on the yard. So what if every once in a while I notice that musty smell from my basement. Man. For sure, "Denial" ain't just a river in Egypt.
I do have to deal with that. My first step in recovery down there is to complete my demolition work and totally gut the place so I can have different companies come in and give me estimates on first waterproofing my basement, then finally renovating the basement thus expanding my living space!!
Anyway.
I also signed up to take my Praxis exams. I need them to become a teacher in New Jersey. (side note: It's a good thing that I didn't start this process right after graduation cause I'd just end up unemployed right now with Governor Fat-Ass running the show right now.) I have to start studying. It's a lot of material.
What I'm lacking right now, what I really want for myself, right now, is the same sense of duty for myself as I have for work.
When I'm bar tending. I'm moving constantly. Even when there are no guests to deal with I'm always making sure that all the details are covered. Cleaning, stocking and just making sure that everything is where it should be.
My problem, as I've stated over and over again, having a place for everything and keeping everything in it's place, can be an overwhelming task!
So this is what I'm gonna-have-ta-do:
I'm gonna prioritize what has to be done everyday from what can be done weekly from what can be done as a project.
Sounds pretty simplistic when I write it down like that but hell.... When you've got Adult ADD, everything seems like it needs attention immediately, thus sending one down that realm of overwhelm.
So stuff like the dishes.... done everyday, check
Stuff like laundry... done weekly, check
Stuff like creating a system to deal with incoming bills and mail and junk, or gutting the basement (ugh!)......Prioritize time to get them done. no "check" yet, but soon.
Thanks for listening to me ramble once again.
Virg.
Don't get me wrong. At least I did accomplish some minor things while I got sidetracked.
I've landscaped my totally unruly yard and turned it into my own tropical oasis getaway. And I threw a killer bbq for my SO (significant other).
My personal goals kinda just fell to the side when my basement got flooded about 6-8 weeks ago, then found out that I didn't have flood insurance to cover it. I got depressed a bit.
I started at demolishing the basement,ripping out sheet rock and rotted out frame work, before the news of my lack of coverage. After the news I kinda just went into denial. I started working on the yard instead.
It was more fun. I could see the progress. Mostly, It was that I could throw a big party for my SO.
We all know how giving something can make a person feel better. Boy did this make me feel better! Everyone had a great time and I got lots of compliments on the yard. So what if every once in a while I notice that musty smell from my basement. Man. For sure, "Denial" ain't just a river in Egypt.
I do have to deal with that. My first step in recovery down there is to complete my demolition work and totally gut the place so I can have different companies come in and give me estimates on first waterproofing my basement, then finally renovating the basement thus expanding my living space!!
Anyway.
I also signed up to take my Praxis exams. I need them to become a teacher in New Jersey. (side note: It's a good thing that I didn't start this process right after graduation cause I'd just end up unemployed right now with Governor Fat-Ass running the show right now.) I have to start studying. It's a lot of material.
What I'm lacking right now, what I really want for myself, right now, is the same sense of duty for myself as I have for work.
When I'm bar tending. I'm moving constantly. Even when there are no guests to deal with I'm always making sure that all the details are covered. Cleaning, stocking and just making sure that everything is where it should be.
My problem, as I've stated over and over again, having a place for everything and keeping everything in it's place, can be an overwhelming task!
So this is what I'm gonna-have-ta-do:
I'm gonna prioritize what has to be done everyday from what can be done weekly from what can be done as a project.
Sounds pretty simplistic when I write it down like that but hell.... When you've got Adult ADD, everything seems like it needs attention immediately, thus sending one down that realm of overwhelm.
So stuff like the dishes.... done everyday, check
Stuff like laundry... done weekly, check
Stuff like creating a system to deal with incoming bills and mail and junk, or gutting the basement (ugh!)......Prioritize time to get them done. no "check" yet, but soon.
Thanks for listening to me ramble once again.
Virg.
Friday, March 19, 2010
When it rains, it pours....Then it floods my basement !!
OOOOooohhhh Man.
I’ll tell ya. There’s nothing like cleaning up a decade old “hoarder’s” mess that gets flooded in rain water, knee deep, for re-aligning one’s priorities.
The last 4 day down pour, flooded my basement damaging my hot water heaters and my furnace. Now I’m under the impression that I’ve got a break line between my home and the sewer!
Anyway..
I had to put on garbage bags over my pant legs and rubber band them up to the top of my thighs. Then I waded into God-knows-what’s-in-that-water to position a sump pump to drain it all out into the street. I felt like Mike Rowe from “Dirty Jobs” on the Discovery Channel.
Once I had all the water drained out of my basement, I called 1-800-GOT-JUNK to deal with all the soaking wet “crap” left over from an old “hoarder” tenant who skipped out on me years ago when I took her to court for 6 months back rent.
Honestly I should have dealt with all that stuff when she first left, but I just couldn’t do it.
There were old clothes everywhere. There were half full bottles of soda and water everywhere. There were old lottery tickets everywhere. Dog and cat food cans, used and unused, everywhere. Underneath all that, a totally wrecked floor from her dog scratching it all up. I ignored it and put it off until I finally I went down there with a flashlight to find boxes of her crap literally floating on knee deep water.
The “GOT JUNK” people I had to call twice because the first team they sent out over quoted me to get out of doing the work! They told me it would take 2 full trucks to haul that stuff out of here. I knew that it was only half that amount of stuff! (they charge purely on volume.) So I let them go. I called them again thinking I’d get a different crew. Sure enough a different crew came and quoted me what I expected. That was all well and good but I knew that if I wanted them to deal with that stuff properly, I had to work right along side them, so I did just that, dry heaving every once in a while as I did.
While I was dealing with the junk, I had my plumber install a hot water heater. I was really looking forward to a nice hot shower.
After the “JUNK” guys and the plumber left I went to feed my brother’s cats ‘cause he was away at the Poconos.
After that, I went to feed my upstairs tenant’s cats because they were away for a week for their anniversary. ( and thank God too! It would have sucked to have them breathing down my neck for heat and hot water while all this was goin’ down.) While I was up there I checked the hot water. All was right again. They had hot water!
Now for a well deserved hot shower!!!! I get naked. Turn on the water. I wait for the water to heat up….. and wait…. And wait. Hmmm. So that’s what that other water heater was for! Jeez.
So again today, I have my plumber over to fix another water heater.
Then after that, I have to have my furnace fixed and I have to have the Jersey City Sewer Authority look at my sewer lines so they can tell me what my problem is.
It’s strange. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I actually feel more motivated. The real trick, I guess is to be more proactive about things instead of reactive. Whatever.
I’ll tell ya. There’s nothing like cleaning up a decade old “hoarder’s” mess that gets flooded in rain water, knee deep, for re-aligning one’s priorities.
The last 4 day down pour, flooded my basement damaging my hot water heaters and my furnace. Now I’m under the impression that I’ve got a break line between my home and the sewer!
Anyway..
I had to put on garbage bags over my pant legs and rubber band them up to the top of my thighs. Then I waded into God-knows-what’s-in-that-water to position a sump pump to drain it all out into the street. I felt like Mike Rowe from “Dirty Jobs” on the Discovery Channel.
Once I had all the water drained out of my basement, I called 1-800-GOT-JUNK to deal with all the soaking wet “crap” left over from an old “hoarder” tenant who skipped out on me years ago when I took her to court for 6 months back rent.
Honestly I should have dealt with all that stuff when she first left, but I just couldn’t do it.
There were old clothes everywhere. There were half full bottles of soda and water everywhere. There were old lottery tickets everywhere. Dog and cat food cans, used and unused, everywhere. Underneath all that, a totally wrecked floor from her dog scratching it all up. I ignored it and put it off until I finally I went down there with a flashlight to find boxes of her crap literally floating on knee deep water.
The “GOT JUNK” people I had to call twice because the first team they sent out over quoted me to get out of doing the work! They told me it would take 2 full trucks to haul that stuff out of here. I knew that it was only half that amount of stuff! (they charge purely on volume.) So I let them go. I called them again thinking I’d get a different crew. Sure enough a different crew came and quoted me what I expected. That was all well and good but I knew that if I wanted them to deal with that stuff properly, I had to work right along side them, so I did just that, dry heaving every once in a while as I did.
While I was dealing with the junk, I had my plumber install a hot water heater. I was really looking forward to a nice hot shower.
After the “JUNK” guys and the plumber left I went to feed my brother’s cats ‘cause he was away at the Poconos.
After that, I went to feed my upstairs tenant’s cats because they were away for a week for their anniversary. ( and thank God too! It would have sucked to have them breathing down my neck for heat and hot water while all this was goin’ down.) While I was up there I checked the hot water. All was right again. They had hot water!
Now for a well deserved hot shower!!!! I get naked. Turn on the water. I wait for the water to heat up….. and wait…. And wait. Hmmm. So that’s what that other water heater was for! Jeez.
So again today, I have my plumber over to fix another water heater.
Then after that, I have to have my furnace fixed and I have to have the Jersey City Sewer Authority look at my sewer lines so they can tell me what my problem is.
It’s strange. Instead of feeling overwhelmed, I actually feel more motivated. The real trick, I guess is to be more proactive about things instead of reactive. Whatever.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
I got the fever! Spring fever.
Hey there out there in Blog land!!!!
It’s a great day!!! A totally awesome day!!! I mean, I’ve got my windows open and I’m literally hearing birds chirping outside!!! I know….. It’s been a while since my last entry. But what a great day, I had to write.
I’m expanding my horizons and making little accomplishments. I’m taking blues guitar lessons. The lessons are awesome! I can barely put my guitar down now!!! It’s been ages, literally ages, since I’ve felt this way about the guitar; and I’m taking Filipino Stick fighting lessons too! I just had a class this morning. On top of that, I went riding (“snowboarding” for you uninitiated ;-)) for the first time in my 40 years. I gotta tell ya. “OW!!! That hurt!!” At one point, I hit my head so hard that I couldn’t see strait for like 20 minutes! (Thank God, I rented that helmut!) Last but not least, I finally rented my Aunt’s apartment today, after months of trying.
Now, I don’t want to give the impression that it’s been all “coming up roses”, ‘cause I’ve been pretty “rutty” lately as well. I’ve not been to the gym, I’ve been eating like it’s goin’ out of style and my old friend procrastination and I are still very well acquainted.
That’s OK. I can feel the old spring fever coming over me, helping me shake my winter blues.
Well that’s all for me today ‘cause I gotta clean up my kitchen so I can bake up a batch (or 5) of cookies for a cookie swap I’m in tomorrow. I let you know how that goes later. Hell. I don’t even know what kind of cookies I’m baking yet.
Hope you’re catching the Spring Fever too!!!
Virg.
It’s a great day!!! A totally awesome day!!! I mean, I’ve got my windows open and I’m literally hearing birds chirping outside!!! I know….. It’s been a while since my last entry. But what a great day, I had to write.
I’m expanding my horizons and making little accomplishments. I’m taking blues guitar lessons. The lessons are awesome! I can barely put my guitar down now!!! It’s been ages, literally ages, since I’ve felt this way about the guitar; and I’m taking Filipino Stick fighting lessons too! I just had a class this morning. On top of that, I went riding (“snowboarding” for you uninitiated ;-)) for the first time in my 40 years. I gotta tell ya. “OW!!! That hurt!!” At one point, I hit my head so hard that I couldn’t see strait for like 20 minutes! (Thank God, I rented that helmut!) Last but not least, I finally rented my Aunt’s apartment today, after months of trying.
Now, I don’t want to give the impression that it’s been all “coming up roses”, ‘cause I’ve been pretty “rutty” lately as well. I’ve not been to the gym, I’ve been eating like it’s goin’ out of style and my old friend procrastination and I are still very well acquainted.
That’s OK. I can feel the old spring fever coming over me, helping me shake my winter blues.
Well that’s all for me today ‘cause I gotta clean up my kitchen so I can bake up a batch (or 5) of cookies for a cookie swap I’m in tomorrow. I let you know how that goes later. Hell. I don’t even know what kind of cookies I’m baking yet.
Hope you’re catching the Spring Fever too!!!
Virg.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Time to wake the GIANT
40 years old. Wow. It’s still sinking in.
The celebrations are over. Now, it’s back to work on waking the giant I know is within me.
Part of my problem, as I’ve been saying from the get-go, is my contentment. I really don’t need that much. All I really want to do is live financially stress free. There in lies my built in nemesis. I have that already to a certain extent. I need to think much bigger.
NO! I need to FEEL much bigger!!!
Intellectualizing this stuff is great, I guess, but I need to push my mind and heart onto the same page.
Right now, I live in a nice apartment, with a great dog, a great girlfriend, and have a great support system. It’s no wonder I’m soooooo content.
What I need to make real for myself are the consequences of living the way that I am in the short term future.
I know this. Without growth; without visible tangible development; without giving back to those who love and support me; I will become a burden, a chore. Who the Frak wants to deal with that! I will loose everything that is dear to me. EVERYTHING.
(Writing that last sentence was difficult. Because I know it’s true. I sit here, alone, writing this and I know it’s a future that can be.)
The people in my life that stand by me deserve a GIANT from me.
My Mom, who has given me life, love, ethics and intelligence.
My Dad, who has given me the ability to dream, and see things for the way they can be.
My Brother, who has given me his unwavering and undying friendship, trust and faith in me.
My Girlfriend, who accepts me with all my quirks and idiosyncrasies, and loves me non-the-less.
And my friends, my extended family, the people who help shape my personality in my wonder years, through all the lack of communication over the years still welcome and invite me into their lives.
They all deserve a Giant from me.
Without them, what would these last 40 years really mean.
The celebrations are over. Now, it’s back to work on waking the giant I know is within me.
Part of my problem, as I’ve been saying from the get-go, is my contentment. I really don’t need that much. All I really want to do is live financially stress free. There in lies my built in nemesis. I have that already to a certain extent. I need to think much bigger.
NO! I need to FEEL much bigger!!!
Intellectualizing this stuff is great, I guess, but I need to push my mind and heart onto the same page.
Right now, I live in a nice apartment, with a great dog, a great girlfriend, and have a great support system. It’s no wonder I’m soooooo content.
What I need to make real for myself are the consequences of living the way that I am in the short term future.
I know this. Without growth; without visible tangible development; without giving back to those who love and support me; I will become a burden, a chore. Who the Frak wants to deal with that! I will loose everything that is dear to me. EVERYTHING.
(Writing that last sentence was difficult. Because I know it’s true. I sit here, alone, writing this and I know it’s a future that can be.)
The people in my life that stand by me deserve a GIANT from me.
My Mom, who has given me life, love, ethics and intelligence.
My Dad, who has given me the ability to dream, and see things for the way they can be.
My Brother, who has given me his unwavering and undying friendship, trust and faith in me.
My Girlfriend, who accepts me with all my quirks and idiosyncrasies, and loves me non-the-less.
And my friends, my extended family, the people who help shape my personality in my wonder years, through all the lack of communication over the years still welcome and invite me into their lives.
They all deserve a Giant from me.
Without them, what would these last 40 years really mean.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
I need retuning.
( this blog entry should have been submitted 2 weeks ago )
As you might have guessed….. I fell back into the rut.
I stopped running.
I started hitting the snooze to much.
I started eating indiscriminately.
I stopped doing those damn dishes.
There have been a few stressful situations that I’ve had to deal with recently.
One situation involved some criminal breaking into my car and stealing my GPS. (The truth is, my brother warned me repeatedly for months about keeping the GPS mount and charger out of view. Of course, being stubborn, I ignored the advice)
Another situation involves the apartment above me. (FYI, I manage my family’s real estate holdings with my brother.) A storm seemed to be the catalyst in the upstairs apartment’s loss of power. I had to find an electrician on the fly, because my usual guy was not available. When the power went out again upstairs in the middle of my 3rd anniversary “hot pot” dinner, I became a little upset that I had to call the electrician again.
The last situation that added a bit of extra stress in my life involves an apartment that I’ve been trying to rent for my aunt. There was a potential tenant for my aunt’s place, though it took her a week and a half just to leave a deposit and application. The certified check she left me included the security deposit but lacked the first months rent. I gave her leases to sign and instructed the perspective tenant to return to me the signed leases along with the remainder of the required deposit on the following day. The next day, then the following day came and went without so much as a text message from her. At this point, I left her a voice message stating that I felt she was dodging me because she had to scrape together funds for the remainder of the amount due, and because of this, she would have her deposit returned to her if she did not contact me ASAP. Still, no response.
I could’ve just waited for this lady to come up with the rest of the money, collect the lease and be done with the situation. But no, it’s my aunt’s place. I didn’t want her to end up chasing after rent month after month.
I decided to tell my aunt to reject the application because it seemed getting in touch with this woman when she owes you money is close to impossible. My aunt took my advice, but, to my dismay, sent the certified check to the woman’s guarantor, who lives in a different state from the apartment applicant!
A week after I left my ultimatum, this woman calls me as if everything is OK, and asks me when we can meet to exchange the signed leases, the keys, and the rest of the cash due! She gave me absolutely no acknowledgement to the messages I left her the week prior. ( I got to tell you, I can’t stand passive aggressive bullsh!t.) So I told her that her application for the apartment was rejected based on her weak financial position and her lack of communication skills.
Wouldn’t you know it? All of the sudden, the lady becomes an expert in communication and has all the time in the world to call and text and threatens a lawsuit, yada, yada, yada…. Uhg!
I’m not good with dealing with stress. I get a bit overwhelmed. Then I all I want to do is just sit around and watch TV and maybe have a beer.
It’s not all bad news though. I am doing something positive though.
I’m a self taught guitarist, though mediocre at best. I decided to get more serious with my hobby by taking blues lessons Guitar Bar in Hoboken.
I seem to be sleeping a little better too.
Making a life change is a lot like putting new strings on a guitar, I guess.
The strings need retuning, seconds after tuning, then minutes after, then and hour after and so on. The strings need time to adapt to the change imposed on them, until the strings do adapt, they will fall back into the state they were previously. Only after repetitive retuning, do the strings hold their new state.
I’ve got some retuning to do then.
As you might have guessed….. I fell back into the rut.
I stopped running.
I started hitting the snooze to much.
I started eating indiscriminately.
I stopped doing those damn dishes.
There have been a few stressful situations that I’ve had to deal with recently.
One situation involved some criminal breaking into my car and stealing my GPS. (The truth is, my brother warned me repeatedly for months about keeping the GPS mount and charger out of view. Of course, being stubborn, I ignored the advice)
Another situation involves the apartment above me. (FYI, I manage my family’s real estate holdings with my brother.) A storm seemed to be the catalyst in the upstairs apartment’s loss of power. I had to find an electrician on the fly, because my usual guy was not available. When the power went out again upstairs in the middle of my 3rd anniversary “hot pot” dinner, I became a little upset that I had to call the electrician again.
The last situation that added a bit of extra stress in my life involves an apartment that I’ve been trying to rent for my aunt. There was a potential tenant for my aunt’s place, though it took her a week and a half just to leave a deposit and application. The certified check she left me included the security deposit but lacked the first months rent. I gave her leases to sign and instructed the perspective tenant to return to me the signed leases along with the remainder of the required deposit on the following day. The next day, then the following day came and went without so much as a text message from her. At this point, I left her a voice message stating that I felt she was dodging me because she had to scrape together funds for the remainder of the amount due, and because of this, she would have her deposit returned to her if she did not contact me ASAP. Still, no response.
I could’ve just waited for this lady to come up with the rest of the money, collect the lease and be done with the situation. But no, it’s my aunt’s place. I didn’t want her to end up chasing after rent month after month.
I decided to tell my aunt to reject the application because it seemed getting in touch with this woman when she owes you money is close to impossible. My aunt took my advice, but, to my dismay, sent the certified check to the woman’s guarantor, who lives in a different state from the apartment applicant!
A week after I left my ultimatum, this woman calls me as if everything is OK, and asks me when we can meet to exchange the signed leases, the keys, and the rest of the cash due! She gave me absolutely no acknowledgement to the messages I left her the week prior. ( I got to tell you, I can’t stand passive aggressive bullsh!t.) So I told her that her application for the apartment was rejected based on her weak financial position and her lack of communication skills.
Wouldn’t you know it? All of the sudden, the lady becomes an expert in communication and has all the time in the world to call and text and threatens a lawsuit, yada, yada, yada…. Uhg!
I’m not good with dealing with stress. I get a bit overwhelmed. Then I all I want to do is just sit around and watch TV and maybe have a beer.
It’s not all bad news though. I am doing something positive though.
I’m a self taught guitarist, though mediocre at best. I decided to get more serious with my hobby by taking blues lessons Guitar Bar in Hoboken.
I seem to be sleeping a little better too.
Making a life change is a lot like putting new strings on a guitar, I guess.
The strings need retuning, seconds after tuning, then minutes after, then and hour after and so on. The strings need time to adapt to the change imposed on them, until the strings do adapt, they will fall back into the state they were previously. Only after repetitive retuning, do the strings hold their new state.
I’ve got some retuning to do then.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Jeez! All I needed was a good night's sleep!?!?
It’s been a while since I last wrote. I’ve been quiet tired and lethargic since my last entry.
This morning was different. The alarm went off, I hit snooze twice, then I just got up and started doing the dishes. Huh.
The fact is I got a good night’s sleep last night. Other mornings have me hitting the snooze indefinitely. The truth is I feel like the chemicals or mechanisms that are in place to keep me from moving in my sleep while dreaming are still in my system. In other words; I should still be sleeping. I’ve also been told that I snore, almost violently. The truth is, though rarely, there has been occasions when I woke myself with my own snoring.
Waking this morning felt natural. I awoke with alertness.
Where am I going with all this? Well, a good night sleep for me tends to be more the exception rather than the rule. Improving the overall “restfulness” of my sleep just might be the silver bullet, the magic spell I’ve been looking for! I guess it’s possible that I have sleep apnea, and it’s about time I do something about it, because, right now, I feel great! If this is what life feels like being well rested all the time, I definitely want to sign up for that!!!
This morning was different. The alarm went off, I hit snooze twice, then I just got up and started doing the dishes. Huh.
The fact is I got a good night’s sleep last night. Other mornings have me hitting the snooze indefinitely. The truth is I feel like the chemicals or mechanisms that are in place to keep me from moving in my sleep while dreaming are still in my system. In other words; I should still be sleeping. I’ve also been told that I snore, almost violently. The truth is, though rarely, there has been occasions when I woke myself with my own snoring.
Waking this morning felt natural. I awoke with alertness.
Where am I going with all this? Well, a good night sleep for me tends to be more the exception rather than the rule. Improving the overall “restfulness” of my sleep just might be the silver bullet, the magic spell I’ve been looking for! I guess it’s possible that I have sleep apnea, and it’s about time I do something about it, because, right now, I feel great! If this is what life feels like being well rested all the time, I definitely want to sign up for that!!!
Thursday, January 21, 2010
Those Damn Dishes!
So I did all the things I was supposed to do yesterday. Every thing except the first two things, that is. I have this thing about cleaning kitchens and baths. I find those tasks unpleasant. I think it has something to do with just my hands in water. I don’t like getting wet unless it’s totally wet, like while bathing or swimming, otherwise, I hate it.
There’s a reason why I’m rambling on about the dishes. I kinda look at that particular chore as the chief physical manifestation of my problems with procrastination. It’s a SIMPLE regular task. Yet, even if it only consists of a dish or two, I still find it difficult to get my hands wet. I don’t know why this is. It’s been this way since my early youth. I just hate it.
Well…. I’m trying to just get over it. I’ve learned to see life as a series of little choices. These little choices all add up to set the direction one’s life might lead. We all know what happens when we give in to little impulses, like having that forth or fifth or sixth piece of chocolate, or what happens when we don’t give ourselves that little push, like when we opt to stay in front of the TV instead of getting out of the house to work out.
Ugh. Well. Here I go. Off to do those damn dishes.
There’s a reason why I’m rambling on about the dishes. I kinda look at that particular chore as the chief physical manifestation of my problems with procrastination. It’s a SIMPLE regular task. Yet, even if it only consists of a dish or two, I still find it difficult to get my hands wet. I don’t know why this is. It’s been this way since my early youth. I just hate it.
Well…. I’m trying to just get over it. I’ve learned to see life as a series of little choices. These little choices all add up to set the direction one’s life might lead. We all know what happens when we give in to little impulses, like having that forth or fifth or sixth piece of chocolate, or what happens when we don’t give ourselves that little push, like when we opt to stay in front of the TV instead of getting out of the house to work out.
Ugh. Well. Here I go. Off to do those damn dishes.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Man…. For some reason, I’m finding it hard to motivate right now. I just spent the last 3 days working the bar at Bill’s Bar and Burger. It takes a lot out of me, being nice to strangers and co-workers all the time. Now all I want to do is veg and maybe play some Rock Band.
I guess I didn’t get the rest I needed last night. I couldn’t sleep. Then at 1am my Mom calls me saying she has chest pains. I figured it was just gas, so I went to Walgreens, got my mom some “Gas-ex,” gave them to my mom, waited around a bit to make sure it really was just gas, wrapped up some of mom’s home cookin’ (you didn’t think I was doing all that for free, right;-)) then went back home. It was 3am last I checked before falling asleep. I only got about 5 hrs of sleep before I had to get up to take my baby to the Path train.
I should’ve went back to sleep after that. Instead, I placed an ad on Craigslist to rent my Aunt’s apt. Then I had a couple of appointment to show the apartment around 11.
So, here I am, trying to motivate myself. This is what I should do with the day:
· Do the freakin’ dishes that has piled up over the last 3 days
· Clean my bathroom. ( I’ve been wanting to do that for a month now.)
· Go to the gym and do a mile + of cardio. ( I’d take the dog to the park but for some reason it just doesn’t seem worth the effort right now)
· Listen to the next Tony Robbins tape.
· Take pictures of the property I live in and other properties of similar stature so I can appeal the property taxes.
· Work on a flyer, with my RE card on it, to distribute in the buildings where my family owns condos.
· Do some hours at the RE office.
· Then go to my 7pm appt to show my Aunt’s place.
Damn. It seems like a lot. I might need a nap first.
I guess I didn’t get the rest I needed last night. I couldn’t sleep. Then at 1am my Mom calls me saying she has chest pains. I figured it was just gas, so I went to Walgreens, got my mom some “Gas-ex,” gave them to my mom, waited around a bit to make sure it really was just gas, wrapped up some of mom’s home cookin’ (you didn’t think I was doing all that for free, right;-)) then went back home. It was 3am last I checked before falling asleep. I only got about 5 hrs of sleep before I had to get up to take my baby to the Path train.
I should’ve went back to sleep after that. Instead, I placed an ad on Craigslist to rent my Aunt’s apt. Then I had a couple of appointment to show the apartment around 11.
So, here I am, trying to motivate myself. This is what I should do with the day:
· Do the freakin’ dishes that has piled up over the last 3 days
· Clean my bathroom. ( I’ve been wanting to do that for a month now.)
· Go to the gym and do a mile + of cardio. ( I’d take the dog to the park but for some reason it just doesn’t seem worth the effort right now)
· Listen to the next Tony Robbins tape.
· Take pictures of the property I live in and other properties of similar stature so I can appeal the property taxes.
· Work on a flyer, with my RE card on it, to distribute in the buildings where my family owns condos.
· Do some hours at the RE office.
· Then go to my 7pm appt to show my Aunt’s place.
Damn. It seems like a lot. I might need a nap first.
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Another Day... Another 50 Cents
It’s hard to get started this morning…. Yesterday was a busy day shift for me. (I’m a bartender) I guess with everybody off, they all wanted a burger and a beer. When I got home I just sat in a chair and vegged at the TV with some beer and Disco fries I bought in the morning but didn’t get to eat until I got home, then went to bed.
I get to do it all over again today. Hurray for me. I have the rest of the week off from the restaurant. I can concentrate on Real Estate Stuff.
I get to do it all over again today. Hurray for me. I have the rest of the week off from the restaurant. I can concentrate on Real Estate Stuff.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Jeeeeeez!!!! I was just trying to get my jog on!!!
I went out for a run with the dog did about a lap and a half when I encountered some dumb b!tch with her little dog off the leash. The little dog was running circles around my dog, playing, not knowing that my dog has a habit off chasing little furry things in my back yard. I yelled out at the owner of the other dog that her dog should be on a leash. She apologized, trying to chase down her dog. I had my dog subdued for a little bit, but the other dog kept pestering my dog. I tried to pull Rocky, my dog, away when the latch on the collar some how broke loose. There was a short chase then the next thing I saw was the poor little dog’s neck in Rocky’s mouth. I grabbed Rocky by the top portion of his jaw and pulled released the little dog, where I out of both anger and embarrassment proceed to pummel Rocky. Maybe three blows at most but more than ever necessary, I know.
Now I’ve got Rocky down on the ground by his neck. But the leash is about 5 or 6 feet away from me. Should I drag the dog with me or should I just let the dog stay while I get the leash? I figure it would be unpleasant for both of us to drag him there so I tell the little bugger to stay or so help me. He stayed I got the leash and put it back on him. That’s when I noticed the small cut on my pinky finger. I’m pretty sure I got it when I stuck my hand into Rocky’s mouth to free the other dog.
I’ve got no idea how that latch got undone.
I never finished the rest of the run. I walked home with the dog walking gingerly behind me the whole time. I felt like shit.
I guess everyone involved learned a lesson here.
The stupid bitch should’ve had her dog on a leash.
The stupid little dog shouldn’t be pestering bigger dogs.
Rocky shouldn’t try to eat little animals for breakfast.
I should have grabbed Rocky by the collar and walked off sooner, and I shouldn’t have over reacted with more violence after the incident was over.
Jeeeeeeez!!!!!! I was just trying to get my jog on!
Now I shower and get to work by 11.
Now I’ve got Rocky down on the ground by his neck. But the leash is about 5 or 6 feet away from me. Should I drag the dog with me or should I just let the dog stay while I get the leash? I figure it would be unpleasant for both of us to drag him there so I tell the little bugger to stay or so help me. He stayed I got the leash and put it back on him. That’s when I noticed the small cut on my pinky finger. I’m pretty sure I got it when I stuck my hand into Rocky’s mouth to free the other dog.
I’ve got no idea how that latch got undone.
I never finished the rest of the run. I walked home with the dog walking gingerly behind me the whole time. I felt like shit.
I guess everyone involved learned a lesson here.
The stupid bitch should’ve had her dog on a leash.
The stupid little dog shouldn’t be pestering bigger dogs.
Rocky shouldn’t try to eat little animals for breakfast.
I should have grabbed Rocky by the collar and walked off sooner, and I shouldn’t have over reacted with more violence after the incident was over.
Jeeeeeeez!!!!!! I was just trying to get my jog on!
Now I shower and get to work by 11.
Saturday, January 16, 2010
My Charmed Life
I have a great life. In spite of what I might have sounded like in the past, I have never doubted how great I have it.
I have the love of my parents and a great bond with my brother, the love and support of my friends, a relationship of growth, discovery and love with my gorgeous girlfriend and the cherry on top, two beautiful cats and my best friend Rocky.
I live comfortably on extremely little effort, a blessing and a curse. That is how I dug myself into this rut.
The challenge, despite all my surrounding comforts, is to push myself to a higher state of self actualization.
The first real hurdle I have to face is my lack of energy when I’m at home during my “me time.” My goals to deal with this are simple:
Wake up earlier
Work out/run
Eat sensibly
Sleep earlier
I’ve started doing about a mile a day at Pershing Field with my dog.
After raising my energy level, “Just do(ing) it” will be a lot easier, hopefully helping with my procrastination issues, thus helping me pull out of the rut.
I have the love of my parents and a great bond with my brother, the love and support of my friends, a relationship of growth, discovery and love with my gorgeous girlfriend and the cherry on top, two beautiful cats and my best friend Rocky.
I live comfortably on extremely little effort, a blessing and a curse. That is how I dug myself into this rut.
The challenge, despite all my surrounding comforts, is to push myself to a higher state of self actualization.
The first real hurdle I have to face is my lack of energy when I’m at home during my “me time.” My goals to deal with this are simple:
Wake up earlier
Work out/run
Eat sensibly
Sleep earlier
I’ve started doing about a mile a day at Pershing Field with my dog.
After raising my energy level, “Just do(ing) it” will be a lot easier, hopefully helping with my procrastination issues, thus helping me pull out of the rut.
Friday, January 15, 2010
I must do this now.
I must and will stop playing Bejeweled Blitz!!!!!! Sleeping is better use of time!!!!!!! I will delete the links to the game. I will take my profile off the game. I will block the game.
STOP THE MADNESS!
STOP THE MADNESS!
Thursday, January 14, 2010
11:47 pm
I didn’t get to the gym. I did take my dog, Rocky, out for a run! (Well… more of a jog/walk) I did 4 laps around the Pershing Field track. I did that after work, then going to Guitar Center on 14th for stuff I needed for my guitar project, then having dinner at Mexican Radio in Soho with Carol (my lovely significant other.)
The thing I’m really learning to wrestle with here is procrastination. Today, I won a few matches against that old adversary. It feels good.
The thing I’m really learning to wrestle with here is procrastination. Today, I won a few matches against that old adversary. It feels good.
January 14, 2012 - Day 2
Jan 14, 2010 Day 2
I didn’t make it to the gym or wash the dishes last night.
Instead I ended up playing Rock Band then trying to fix a guitar a got from a friend. I won’t know how it went until tonight when I replace the saddle and string it up again.
I got up this morning hoping to work out but hit the snooze too much so I just did the dishes I was supposed to do last night.
Item for “To Do list for the Future” - for no explainable reason I abandoned a goal I had of becoming a grammar school teacher. My goal then is to take the Praxis exams and score well enough to allow me to enter the alternative route program for teaching in NJ. I’ve purchased a study book for that exam.
I heading to work soon. Ooh! Speaking of work. I’m altering my bartending schedule to only Monday and Tuesdays to allow me to concentrate on my Real Estate job.
My plan for tonight: Go to Guitar Center and pick up saddle and a set of strings for the guitar I’m working on, then meet my beautiful girlfriend for Dinner at Mexican Radio ( I got a deck of 52 restaurant cards/coupons that give me $10 off if I spend $30. Then head home in time to work out before getting to bed around 12. Sounds a bit ambitious to me but what the heck. I’ll let you know how it goes.
I didn’t make it to the gym or wash the dishes last night.
Instead I ended up playing Rock Band then trying to fix a guitar a got from a friend. I won’t know how it went until tonight when I replace the saddle and string it up again.
I got up this morning hoping to work out but hit the snooze too much so I just did the dishes I was supposed to do last night.
Item for “To Do list for the Future” - for no explainable reason I abandoned a goal I had of becoming a grammar school teacher. My goal then is to take the Praxis exams and score well enough to allow me to enter the alternative route program for teaching in NJ. I’ve purchased a study book for that exam.
I heading to work soon. Ooh! Speaking of work. I’m altering my bartending schedule to only Monday and Tuesdays to allow me to concentrate on my Real Estate job.
My plan for tonight: Go to Guitar Center and pick up saddle and a set of strings for the guitar I’m working on, then meet my beautiful girlfriend for Dinner at Mexican Radio ( I got a deck of 52 restaurant cards/coupons that give me $10 off if I spend $30. Then head home in time to work out before getting to bed around 12. Sounds a bit ambitious to me but what the heck. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Just wanted to say....
I’m glad I’m blogging this. Had some real nice comments and words of encouragement on FB. It’s really fueling me up with positive mojo!!
Day 1 (Still) - Listening to some old "Personal Power" CDs
OK it’s not tomorrow yet but I started listening to these “Personal Power” tapes again. It told me that I should do two things I’ve been putting off. So I’m going to the gym and doing the dishes. (I’d better do the dishes first cause I know I’m not going to want to do them when I get back from the gym.)
Day 1 - Almost 40 years old and what do I have to show for it
Hello World,
It is 1:13 pm Wednesday, January 13, 2010. This is the first real consideration I’m giving to resolutions this year. I’ve decided that I will have only one:
I WILL GET OUT OF THIS RUT.
I’m almost 40. I look around and see my friends with their varying levels of success, and I wonder what happened to me. How did I get so damn lazy, Mom and Dad?
My mom was, by no sense of the word, lazy. She did everything that needed to be done and everything that didn’t really need to be done. She was the main breadwinner. She did all things domestic. I guess, in hind sight, it was no surprise that she didn’t seem so pleasant all the time. Not that she was unpleasant all the time. Just… unpleasant, like an employer might be. My problems with authority probably come from my relationship with her.
My dad, on the other hand, was a night watchman. He worked nights so he could “watch” the kids during the day. If he was “watching” us, he did so with a second set of eyes on the back of his head while he was “resting” on the couch. The fact was that he had to leave for work by the time I got home from school. Sure we played around a lot, my dad, brother and me, but for the most part, he was napping…. (This could explain my fondness for napping.)
I think the truth is less lazy and more fearful. I have an extreme lack of focus that has proved to be a problem.
I’m a classic underachiever.
My mom still has a letter that I received from the Navy after I took the ASVAB test in 6th grade. (I think it was 6th grade.) It said that I qualified for training to be a nuclear engineer or something like that. My poor mom. She was so proud. I guess at that point she’d never guess her eldest of 2 would be sponging free rent off her living in an apartment that would be better used for actual paying tenants. I wonder if she cringes when she thinks to herself that her son is a bartender/ part-time rental agent.
Well… writing this blog is my first act toward getting out of this rut. Someone said “If a life is worth living it’s worth writing about.” (please don’t ask me who) So here I go.
I’m going off to my Real Estate office. I’m going to put in some hours. It’s a wonder they haven’t fired me yet.
Good luck with your ruts, people. More tomorrow
It is 1:13 pm Wednesday, January 13, 2010. This is the first real consideration I’m giving to resolutions this year. I’ve decided that I will have only one:
I WILL GET OUT OF THIS RUT.
I’m almost 40. I look around and see my friends with their varying levels of success, and I wonder what happened to me. How did I get so damn lazy, Mom and Dad?
My mom was, by no sense of the word, lazy. She did everything that needed to be done and everything that didn’t really need to be done. She was the main breadwinner. She did all things domestic. I guess, in hind sight, it was no surprise that she didn’t seem so pleasant all the time. Not that she was unpleasant all the time. Just… unpleasant, like an employer might be. My problems with authority probably come from my relationship with her.
My dad, on the other hand, was a night watchman. He worked nights so he could “watch” the kids during the day. If he was “watching” us, he did so with a second set of eyes on the back of his head while he was “resting” on the couch. The fact was that he had to leave for work by the time I got home from school. Sure we played around a lot, my dad, brother and me, but for the most part, he was napping…. (This could explain my fondness for napping.)
I think the truth is less lazy and more fearful. I have an extreme lack of focus that has proved to be a problem.
I’m a classic underachiever.
My mom still has a letter that I received from the Navy after I took the ASVAB test in 6th grade. (I think it was 6th grade.) It said that I qualified for training to be a nuclear engineer or something like that. My poor mom. She was so proud. I guess at that point she’d never guess her eldest of 2 would be sponging free rent off her living in an apartment that would be better used for actual paying tenants. I wonder if she cringes when she thinks to herself that her son is a bartender/ part-time rental agent.
Well… writing this blog is my first act toward getting out of this rut. Someone said “If a life is worth living it’s worth writing about.” (please don’t ask me who) So here I go.
I’m going off to my Real Estate office. I’m going to put in some hours. It’s a wonder they haven’t fired me yet.
Good luck with your ruts, people. More tomorrow
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